a milder version of this article to the Arizona Department of Health Services a little while ago in response to the request, "give us an update." the only other guideline I was given was "it should be informative." I think I failed on both objectives, but it was still fun to write.
Some six months ago, I joined the forces of good to present POWER [a rape prevention program] to junior high and high schools in the area. So far, it's been wildly entertaining. Somewhere amid angry parents, unattentive kids, skeptical teachers and what seems like 2 million idiot drivers who every morning think that the quickest way to get from point a to point b is to stand on their brake pedals, somewhere amid all of this, I managed to find something I truly enjoy doing. What drives a slacker to give up his slacker life to brave this veritable circus? Masochism? The huge load of karma points? Cognitive dissonance? Pure raging narcissism? Perhaps.
Mostly, the answer can be found in the classroom doing whatever it is that we do. Our goal, our mission objective is date and acquaintance rape prevention. In practical terms, this means getting students to recognize it, avoid it and hopefully do something about it above and beyond simply "feeling bad" about it. "Rape" and "sexual assault" to a lot of students seem like terms that refer to horrendous acts, but horrendous acts that are remote, removed, random. They are imagined to be acts a deranged criminal, a thug, a stranger commits to a helpless victim who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. Most of our work revolves around getting students to realize that though this is the stereotypical situation we imagine, it is not the stereotypical situation.
The bulk of the program focuses on a remarkably simple premise: No one wants to have an unhealthy or abusive relationship, but people of every age, race and socio-economic status find themselves in these relationships all the time. Very often, we find both students and ourselves dismissing other people's behaviors with "oh, they're just stupid", "they're immature", "they have low self-esteem." In a classroom setting, it's easy to make lists, point to them and say "That gooood", "That baaad". Outside of class however, we find it even easier to neglect our lists. Students see relationships without trust, without respect. They see incredible acts of cruelty commit under the banner of love. They see malice of all kinds endured for acceptance.
One subject people almost universally like to talk about is other people; more specifically, other people's dating situations. The what, the who, the how many M&M's. Granted, sometimes we find that students are so used to zoning out for whatever reason that it takes a little prodding for them to realize that we are talking about situations that apply to them. Situations they see every day. Situations in "their world". "Is a girl who dresses a certain way asking to be harassed?" "Do you think a 25-year-old and a 17-year-old can have a healthy relationship?" "Is 'giving in' the same as 'giving consent'?"
They begin to think more carefully about how and why people get into the relationships, how people can be broken down, why they stay in such relationships. Curiosity is piqued. Thoughts begin turning. The stories begin. Given a little time, our focus on relationships has a tendency to open the floodgates with these students.
This, as an avid people-watcher, is the part of my job that I love the most. Depending on the class, I get to play a cross between Dr. Phil and Carson Daly with the occasional Jerry Springer thrown into the mix.
We come across a fantastic mix of personalities. The apathetic, the innocent, the truly worn-- 16 year olds who are already tired of life. There are tight-lipped, god-fearing classes who snap to silent attention at even a vaguely disapproving look. There are madhouses where exhausted teachers are so shell-shocked they no longer seem to hear the volleys of insults and rambling stories about how "one time me and my friends was sooooo f---ing high...." There is a range of maturity levels from those who giggle at the word "sex" to those who no longer flinch at the word "rape". Children who are always trying to look for the "right" answer and little punks who try to find the exception to every rule. Teens wide-eyed because they never imagined that people could be so terrible to the ones they "love" the most. Teens wide-eyed because we talk to them about their own lives.
All in all, I tend to have a hard time describing the job to those who ask me about it. I have a harder time explaining what it is I enjoy so much. The last few months been shocking, eye-opening, frustrating, hilarious, invigorating, but most of all, poignant in all sorts of ways. The best I can do is this: in this job, we see the same circus, the same play we've seen in ourselves, in our friends, in some form of another all around us, all of our lives. This time, though, we get to rewind and pause and examine some bits a little closer. The best is when we get the actors to see what's coming and change some bits and hopefully make it a little better in the long run.
the garden state soundtrack is what I would've tried to create, if I hadn't kept myself so busy with being lazy. the music is, for lack of better descriptors, refreshing. comforting. the songs seemed to be selected in the same "hey, listen to this, it's neat" way that we spent our weekends. so much of pop music nowadays seems to inspire or express angst, pain and irritation. or, the music is designed and manufactured to make us feel cool. "I broadcast my badassedness by blaring sheer cool from my speakers. acknowledge my might!" not that I myself don't occasionally roll my car windows down and crank up the ludwig van, but such constant brazen self-assertion and angst tires the soul. I find myself more and more easily exhausted by the clamoring and whining of "sir, I exist!" from those who haven't realized that, frankly, the universe doesn't give a damn.
