she said he said

"he is like a ten year-old girl. what does a ten year-old girl think about all the time? trying to be cool and look hot. can a ten year-old girl actually be cool and look hot? no. can he actually be cool and look hot? no."

an old friend on a new beau
"he reminds me a lot of you. he has the same sense of humor as you do. he's always laughing at little side-comments he makes to himself."
"uh....is that supposed to be a compliment?"

a couple girls during a Troy postmortem
"even if I was five years old, if Brad Pitt was my babysitter, I'd probably molest him."

a former co-worker at the coffee shop where I used to work told someone else that though we didn't talk much, he remembers me for one exchange I had with a customer:
"how's the holiday blend?"
"it's pretty good if you don't mind the taste of ass."