I am people who know people

snagged off a random review of American Wedding
"Whenever I felt tempted to laugh or have an erection during this movie, I just thought of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ."

"I got a fortune cookie that said, 'happiness can be achieved by using your patience.' at first, I thought it had something to do with sitting around more and not looking for a job, but this is mainly because I occasionally confuse 'patience' with 'laziness.'"

snagged off my friend jess's blog
"if I was a book in the Bible, I would be Leviticus."

from another friend's email
"Good luck with this stuff you have to deal with now. Just remember, the more guys the Triads send at you at a time, the less competent they will be. You don't really have to worry until you face that one guy at the end with some bizarre distinguishing feature, and even then he'll just slap around a bit and rip your shirt until you either find his weak spot or remember some secret technique you learned from some guy who died earlier."