in passing would have a field day

random source:
"how are you today?"
"not too bad. you?"
"I am wonderful!"
"ooh, great! why is that?"
"why shouldnt I be?"
"this is true. but usually when people are wonderful, it is because something wonderful happened"
"I am wonderful when nothing is happening. when something happens, I am magnificent."

"wow, that fireplace smells good."
"it almost smells like BO."
"yeah, but it smells good!"
"like musty vagina."

"I'm a proxy nerd, not a real nerd. I'm the guy that talks to the nerds that actually do nerd stuff and distributes it to the non-nerd population."

"well, hang in there."
"by a thread."
"what are you talking about? you got both hands on a nice thick rope. I'm hanging on by my own ass hairs here."
"that's saying a lot because you're asian and you don't have that many."
"you'd think that."

"...and sometimes you say I'm like your mother."
"I have like four mothers. my real mom, my sister, you and j."
"we try to keep you in line, and as you can tell, we've failed miserably."
"*you* can tell. I feel like I turned out fine. which is part of the problem."
...
"by the way, that line about how you've failed miserably? that's something my mother would actually say."
"shutup."

"the lame suck."