"it's a battle of wits..."

"... and I brought a butter knife to a gunfight."

"what you're doing is quintessentially 20's. one day we're supposed to decide to be astronauts, the next day we'll want to be missionaries and strippers the day after that. it's how you're supposed to be in your 20's."

"I'll tell you the first thing wrong with this group. one of their singers is a modem."

"I want a job where people just suck up to me and wine and dine me all day."
"maybe you should be a geisha."

"I hate britney spears"
"she's still hot. if she bent over in front of you, you'd still... you know... [nudge nudge]"
"I'd kick her straight in the ass!"

"just got back from the rental company... see that dodge fugly out there? yeah, that's mine." (in reference to a dodge neon)