sobriety is obnoxiously overrated

last week, I spent a bit of time hanging out in Chicago with a few friends from NU. I had some other stuff I was supposed to do out there, but well... whatever. rather than trying to come up with a clever post about the trip and then getting distracted and never finishing it (as I am rumored to sometimes do), I figured I'd just put up a couple pictures of assorted tables with some of the more memorable quotes.

yay, perfunctory introduction.

"if I make it out of this city without getting a heart-attack, I'll be surprised and slightly disappointed."

"you can't compare handcuffs to a 37" electro-studded cock."

"I feel like wearing my cap and gown out to a bar some night."
"you should rob a store in your cap and gown."

"there's something undeniably sexy about a girl who can work a nail gun."

"I liked flagstaff. except for the hippies. it constantly looked like a widespread panic concert."
"like a phish concert just waiting to happen."
.....
"don't you realize that you have to take a damn shower every once in awhile? you can't just drench yourself in patchouli oils all the time."

"that was funny in a 'boy I'm glad that wasn't my money' kinda way."

"I'd be pretty fucking sad if I were raped by a dog."

"the night has officially started; we are listening to supertramp."

"what is that?"
"celery."
"why did you carry that here? [a bar]"
"it's healthy."
"oh."

"we should get them together for a steel-cage passive-aggressive death-match."

"they should have ninja moving companies. it'd be awesome if you woke up in the middle of the night tied up in the corner with all your furniture missing."

"is it awesome like having a girl dig you is awesome?"
".... to a dork, maybe."

"how long have we been drinking?"
"what the fuck time is it?"
"midnight."
"...about nine and a half hours now."
"I'll drink to that."

"my lab studies early universe structures."
"I thought first there was nothing, then there was God. what's there to study?"
"god showed up like 15 minutes later. he was like 'jesus christ, I'm late again.... hey, that's a pretty cool name.' "
" 'I think that's what I'll call my son. then, I'll kill him.' "
"thank god I'm an atheist."

"I'll drink to the increasing probability that we'll be kicked out of here before our pizza arrives."

"have you ever driven through new mexico? it looks like it was hit by an atomic bomb or something."
"well... it was..."

"can I have some of your water?"
"sure. that's just a coldsore, right?"
"....asshole."

"phoenix looks like it's just there to hold a bunch of golf courses together."