this raises a few questions

Shit. The goddamn remote wasn't opening the car door. No real surprise, but this is a problem. If the remote doesn't open the door, the car doesn't start. This is a "feature" of my new car. I walk back into the gym and ask the guy at the front desk for a screwdriver to crack open the remote with. I don't really know what I expect to find; maybe a big switch on the inside that says "work / fuck up." Then, I could say, "Oh that's what the problem is, it's set on 'fuck up.'" Then, I could flick the switch and be on my way. Truth be told though, I already know what's wrong. What's wrong is I am an idiot.

"Lock your keys in your car??" The guy at the desk looks a little twitchy. His eyes dart toward the parking lot. It's 3 am. My car's the only one out there.

"Something like that. The remote doesn't work. I dropped it into the pool."

"You dropped it into the pool??" His eyes dart toward the pool.

"No. I went swimming with it in my pocket, but it's basically the same thing."

The remote comes apart. Alas, there is no "work / fuck up" switch, just a few droplets of water. Evidence that I am a complete moron.

"That sucks man I locked my keys in my car once too see last week these two hot chicks asked me if I wanted to jump in the jacuzzi with them..."

And he was off. Telling one story after another with a fervor that only a few cans of red bull and the prospect of a menage a trois could generate.