Today, my professor was telling us about this one case where state police towed and impounded this car, whose owner hadn't put coins in the meter. The court found such seizure to be unreasonable b/c the car owner came running out, as the car was being towed, and offered to pay not only the meter, but the cost of towing and inconvenience, as long as they just didn't take his car away. The reason? Apparently, he had a bag full of rubber penises in his trunk, which apparently is illegal in Texas to have.

Anyway, this story made me think of you. Well, you and one of the quotes on your page.

Hope all is going well for you...

Jess
[04/2005]

this is a short piece I wrote for the ADHS website in 2005 regarding events of December 2003. the non-profit I was working for at the time was contracted by the Roman Catholic Diocese of Phoenix to give "Safe Environment" and sexual assault / abuse prevention workshops to all Catholic schools in the area. given that the POWER program was delivered to 7th through 12th graders, the junior high and elementary schools would often invite parents to an "information session" about a week before we would present to each school. through some fluke of scheduling, I was sent to this parent night pretty much by myself before I had ever delivered or even seen the entire program. (the other presenter mentioned is not Tom, but someone who presented another program and couldn't help answer any questions about mine.)

This "baptism by fire" will be funny in hindsight, I tell myself.

I barely stifle a smirk. I doubt that the men and women glaring at me would share my amusement. Surprisingly enough, even the nicest of people completely lose their sense of humor when perceiving a threat to their children. There is a moment of silence as I look down at the wilting piece of notebook paper my mentor had scrawled a very rough outline on. The answer isn't there, but even if it was, I wouldn't realize it because in this magical moment, I manage to forget what was asked of me.

Welcome to my first parent night ever.

Raymundo
how you been? i'm in a very dark place...seriously, lots of clouds. there's a really cool coffee shop in walking distance. owned by a woodcarver, it's part art gallery part place to ingest caffeine while sitting on 60s? 70s? furniture of hues born of a color wheel that doesn't exist in college art courses (and perhaps with good reason). It's got a co-op vibe--when employee steps out for a smoke, customers take over barista responsibilities, which is ok bc there's no formal menu and Boss is an arthritic border collie, and she just don't give a shit. With dog hair on the couches and a fly in my steamed milk, i'm just waiting for the hint of a social cue to strip of my clothes and sip my java the way nature intended. i'll keep you posted on that front. anyway, this place naturally made me think of you. hope all is well.
Brien

for speaking at a conference, I received a gift bag that included a matching "padfolio" and lunch cooler. I felt my bpa-free stainless steel adult thermos filled with red kool-aid would go well with my adult trapper keeper* and my adult lunch box. despite having all this neat stuff, however, I'm still not (yet) invited to eat at the cool kids' table in the cafeteria. perhaps I should find an adult equivalent to the slap bracelet.

*as if I needed further verification that I'm getting old, I asked a student worker if she knew what a trapper keeper was and she said, "isn't it just a folder?" is it possible to explain how many nascent nerds felt that their entire social status hinged on acquiring one of these "just a folders?"

being Chinese-American and mistaken for "Harold" on a regular basis, I have, as many would expect, sort of a soft spot for Panda Express. any time I'm in the mood to forget nostalgic notions of savory home-cooked meals, I can always trust in Panda Express to offer tender, delicious, bowel-convulsing cuisine that reminds me nothing of the comfort foods mom (or in my people's native tongue: "ma") used to slave away for hours in the hot kitchen to stuff our bratty, ungrateful mouths full of.

most people may not know this, but ironically (or "cleverly") "Panda Express" is actually a Chinese phrase. an allusion to exquisite tea houses and fine restaurants of the Qing dynasty, the phrase translates roughly to "Glorious House of Succulent Temptations and Unending Flatulence." even as I toured several in the area (side note: outstanding romantic evening out for the more adventurous of you lovebirds out there) these "Glorious Houses" indeed never failed to live up to their name. each place created a unique evocative atmosphere exactly like the one before it.

if I were to impart only one of the countless touching memories I amassed during these visits, I think it'd have to be one from College Avenue and University. I found a choice seat in the corner and had my book open to indicate that even though I was eating alone, I was still busy and therefore important. I had my gwailo-impressing chopsticks at the ready and the scents of orange- like- flavoring- on- chicken were already making my mouth water and my stomach nervous. as I sat with twitchy anticipation, not unlike a heroin addict, preparing myself for instants of delicious bounty and hours of regret, I paused for a moment. I found myself marveling in awe at the wall-hangings of Chinese calligraphy. words cannot describe the beauty and poignancy of a language that has characters that can mean either "tasty" or "gaseous" depending on the pronunciation. my joyous appreciation would later manifest itself in an extra-loud burp.

[this is something I rarely do; I'm not actually finished writing this article yet. I've been sketching some ideas out for awhile and just felt like publishing what I had so far.]

"you can sometimes look at a 12-year old and see the obnoxious idiot they could one day become. they aren't bad in that 'grow up and sell crack to preschoolers' kind of way. more the type that will drive a hummer with a 'save the planet' bumper sticker."
--geoff trenchard
on def poetry jam

I'm glad the holidays are over. being the procrastinator that I am, I waited until the season's feeding frenzy was in full effect before getting my own ass started on my christmas shopping. I was confronted by the standard hordes of people all dragging themselves out of their homes for charity, peace and love. crowds of people, sub-speed-limit traffic, stores running out of pretty much everything interesting, the works. but this year more than other years, I was surprised by how douchey people were. maybe not the level of douchiness (though the level this year seemed much higher than I can remember from previous years), more the combination of the level with the context: people were out buying gifts to demonstrate how caring they are, but were being absolutely horrendous to everyone around them in the process. the day after thanksgiving was an especially strange sight: people swarming with elbows out; pushing and shoving in the spirit of graciousness and generosity.

Wir müssen durch viel Trübsal in das Reich Gottes eingehen.
We must enter the Kingdom of God through much sorrow.
(Acts 14:22)

about twelve years ago, I attended a fairly rigorous music camp. by rigorous, I mean that every student had a three hour mandatory practice session scheduled every day. in addition to that, there were other blocks of optional practice time which *limited* students to a total of 7-8 hours a day. at the end of the optional evening practice times, the camp counselors would have to go door to door to remove students from the practice rooms 1/ for legal supervision reasons but primarily 2/ to keep the students from practicing so much that they injured themselves.

"fairly" rigorous.

yes, we are once again upgrading; this time to the content management system drupal. like serendipity, drupal has an incredible number of shiny buttons and switches to push and fiddle with. unlike serendipity, the buttons and switches actually do what they say they do. software that works is awesome. drupal is a seriously incredible piece of software to play with. I hoping that our ever faithful readers will begin to behold its awesomeness shortly.

on the list of things to do: migrating the old stories over and adjusting css and templates. as always, thank you for reading and thank you for your patience.

"I am not a box of porn hiding in the closet"

"my urethra is a wild goose."

"there's some irony in being hungry for hot dogs after a class on freud."

"if I were in charge of a day care, it'd be all strobe lights and air horns."

"the irritation of doubt causes a struggle to attain a state of belief" from c.s. peirce the fixation of belief

from some professors:
*ponders*"....you are both correct and incorrect....be proud of that, for that's complexity."

"and that is where counseling psychology and Madonna coincide: there is much discussion of the borderline, without any discussion of what exactly the borderline is between."

"I'll tell her you said, 'hi.'"
"okay, thanks"
"anything else you want to say?"
"'konichiwa, bitches.'"

"I don't understand how guys could do that."
"that's because you see women as actual people and not just life-support systems for vaginas."

"i'm glad you work here...it makes the days that my brain feels like it's about to fall out of my butt not so....brain butt falling."

the picture should probably be filed under "shit that's funnier when you're drinking." in a brazen display of "not being down with the lingo", we spent some time coming up with alternative meanings to the phrase "ridin' dirty." here is a selection:

-- winging it
-- making shit up as we go
-- paying with credit instead of cash
-- car full of drugs
-- sex with no condom
-- riding a horse with no underwear
-- riding a horse with no saddle
-- robbing a bank with no gun
-- riding a horse while drunk
-- refilling a beer glass without washing it
-- a car with only three working spinners
-- turning your underwear inside out instead of changing it
-- making out with someone after throwing up
-- flossing your teeth with hair
-- not washing your hands after using the bathroom
-- sitting down on an uncovered toilet seat
-- masturbating at a friend's house
-- sex with only boots or black socks on
-- dating someone's friend for revenge
-- sex in parent's bed

looking back, I like that some of them have ambiguous phrasing.